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Would you still like me if you knew…
I show you who I think you want me to be.
I savor my indulgence in tears.
My thoughts are never silent.
My brain never rests.
I never contain my laughter.
It flows loudly and freely.
But it’s not the best medicine—
I’m spacey and quirky
When not medicated every morning.
So much of me lies underneath,
Scar tissue that will never heal:
In a glass house nothing is secret.
I could not hide from the shrieks of pain,
A mother’s tears,
The hand I held,
The blue glimmer of light fading into hazy yellow.
Time stood still: 10:45, eleven years—
You don’t know what it means,
That he waited for me.
You don’t know the choice he made,
The decision that was his.
Prozac can’t numb the pain.
Pity is offensive.
I don’t wish Rett back—
How selfish that would be.
Blindly, I throw my faith in God’s face
And hope that he won’t spit it back at me.
If only you could see
How I smile under black Colorado skies—
Stargazing,
My problems become so small, insignificant.
I find comfort in his presence surrounding me.
I understand what a lifetime means.
I need my hand held,
To be wrapped tightly in a man’s arms.
You don’t know that I’m thinking of a lifetime:
Without Rett.